True love

Hello

I know, long time no see. Life was pretty … intense lastly, so I neither had the time nor the spirit for writing an article. I’m sorry about that. I promise, I’ll write about that in another life – update as soon as possible. (It’s going to be called “life – update # 3” and can be found in the My personal journey – section). But back to the actual topic of today’s article: true love.

(Note: In my article, I’m always talking about the romantic kind of love, not the love between parents and their children, or between siblings or friends.)

To be honest, I’m not aware of a huge number of books or movies where a story about true love is not included. Are you? Presumably, the fact that I love such stories isn’t helpful neither… But nonetheless, I guess one can say that love is often a main, central aspect in books as well as movies. Love is always presented as sth wonderful, as sth shining which makes the life more than worth it, despite all the sad moments. On the other hand, it is presented as sth nerve-racking, sth hurtful and sth which is able to destroy all the good moments of life. Pretty contrary, I know… Regardless of the love story’s ending, love has always one quality: its powerfulness. And whenever I’m wondering whether true love is out there in this world, I think: It has to be true.

It can’t be true that all the movies and books are about something that isn’t existing. You could call them all fantasy, then. Sadly, I’ve never really, fully seen (or experienced) true love in my nearest surrounding area – means at home, so my mum’s story of life. Probably, this is one of the main reasons for me struggling to believe in true love. Please don’t understand me wrongly – I believe in true love. The circumstances at home just make it hard from time to time not to start wondering whether it is really existing in the real life. Let me tell you the love stories of mum so far. Maybe you’ll understand me better after that:

My mum married at the age of 21 (she’s nearly 60, so it was normal back then). She thought it would be real love and her husband and her got four children during their marriage. From outside it may looked like a perfect life. But only when you ignored the handprints on the children’s faces or the bruises on my mum’s back. Yes, you’re right: he hit two of their children with his hands and my mum with a chair or whatever was around. Luckily, she divorced from him when the youngest children were 13 years old. 

They didn’t complain about the divorce, believe me. After a few years, my mum’s ex-husband outed himself as homosexual. Not much (just a few months) after the divorce, she met another man – my father. As you know, this didn’t end well, neither. He simply wanted a child from her and after getting her pregnant, he started treating her like shit, shouted at her and insulted her, e.g. through calling her a bad mother (he said she’d be raven-mother). The reason for the last one was, that she started working again when I was three months old. But guess what: She did it, because he didn’t feel like working. And how should they live without money? 

When I was 4, she broke up with only to move together with my stepfather a year later. Since then, we’ve been living together. My mum also said yes when he asked her to marry him. I mean, I cried right after that incident, but my mum seemed to be happy. But when my sister died and it lead to my mum not being able to get sexual with him, he started just like the other two men did. He doesn’t hit her, thank god, but he hurts her a lot, too. Through words, especially in front of others.

I really don’t understand why my mum doesn’t receive the luck she deserves. She is a wonderful person who loves wholeheartedly. Why can’t there be a person who enters her life whom she love and who loves her? Forever? I’m simply no able to understand that. 

And yes, when I look at her story of life, when I look at my stepfather and his way of treating this wonderful woman, I start wondering: Is true love existing in this world? Or is it just something made up by poets, authors as well as scriptwriters? I want to know the answer so badly. Even if it hurts. I just want to know the truth. I’m aware that you don’t (or at least shouldn’t) need this kind of love to be happy, enjoy the live and live a life you’d want to live again if it was possible. I know that. 

Nevertheless, of course, I’d love to experience true love, to feel it. To get loved so strongly and love this person back with your entire heart. It has to be one of the best feelings in the world.

To know there is a person who’s always there for you, whom you can trust, who wants to spend his/her entire life with you! I just want to feel this true love and be able to feel it my entire life. Of course love isn’t always perfect, I know that. I’m currently reading a book where the author quoted Shakespeare: “Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake – it is everything except what it is!” And yes, I also want to feel the heavy, dark, cold, sick and asleep love. Because I believe, I really want to, that true love is worth it.

Yours,

Everose


Monday, 26/12/2022

Photos:

lights-heart: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1535615615570-3b839f4359be?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=687&q=80 – unsplash.com – Fadi Xd (30/08/2018) – last access: 02/10/2022

woman’s back: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516395614785-58f599409d3c?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=2070&q=80 – unsplash.com – Sydney Sims (19/01/2018) – last access: 26/12/2022

broken heart: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516822003754-cca485356ecb?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1170&q=80 – unsplash.com – Kelly Sikkema (24/01/2018) – last access: 26/12/2022

hands holding one another: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1523251636652-de976ff82054?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=687&q=80 – unsplash.com – bhuvanesh gupta (09/04/2018) – last access: 26/12/2022