Never be like the others

Hello:) 

I know, the title sounds kinda weird and somehow depressed. But the thought of never being like the others hits me from time to time and I thought, I’d have to share it with u.

A few days ago, my brother married. It was a typical wedding for the country he lives in (it’s a differnt country from where I live), and all the guests seemed to really enjoyed it. Especially the party with the drinking and dancing after the ceremony. I hope, it seemed like I enjoyed it, too, but honestly, the party was just horrible to me… It was to loud, there were to many people and Idk why, but at this kinda parties, I often (nearly always) start to be sad as hell. And maybe this is cuz I realize, that I’ll never be like the others.

I’ll ever be this kinda girl who sits by the side when all the others will dance, who will say no to alcohol when all the others are drunk and have fun that way. Ever this kinda girl who denies parties as far as possible and prefers calm evenings with her friends or alone. I’ll ever be her. But where should I find friends, where and especially how should I find someone who loves me when I don’t visit parties? I mean, that’s the place where all the others in my age are. But I? I’ll never be. Sometimes, I want to, I really want to be like them. I’d like to just be like them and not always be the party pooper. But I can’t.

These are the thoughts that always crash my head when I have to go to big parties and events. And this thought of never finding a person who loves me is so so hard for me. U have to know, that reading has such a big meaning for me. And u’ll just find a really really small number of books where there isn’t a love story involved. I have to admit, that love stories are also the ones which I extremely like. And yes, the books help me a lot. They make me happy, cuz I am happy with the persons in the book when they find the ones they love and are loved back. I feel with them, every single emotion. But what if I’ll never experience love, true love?

Additionally, in nearly every book the main person has a friend, a really really good friend. And where do people often make new acquainantces? Yes, when they visit parties or other celebrations where lots of people come together. 

But I can’t. I can’t visit them and be happy like all the others. But where should I find friend and especially one best friend then? Who doesn’t doesn’t like me just cuz I am not a party-girl?

Of course, I know, there are other oppurtunities, like the everyday life, like school, university, travels, ect. And I tell myself everytime these thoughts pop up in my head, that even if I pretended to like all the stuff, and if that was the reason for a person liking or loving me, that she or he would never really love me. Because that wouldn’t be me. Although, if I’d really be like the others, it would probably be easier. And it’s not just about this. I sometimes whish, I could also be like the others in case of don’t care so much about grades, of liking pink and glitter like all the other girls and of not thinking everything through before speaking it out loud and that’s why seeming to be arrogant.

But that wouldn’t be me. I am as I am. And most of the times, I’m happy cuz of this, but sometimes, these thoughts go thorugh my head and try to push me down. But I won’t let them. I’ll remind myself evertime, that I’m good how I am. That I have lot’s of great sides and that doesn’t being like all the others doesn’t mean being worth less. It just means being my- or urself, it means being an individual. 

That’s how I get out of this thoughts and how I can be happy to be myself again. 

But although, I’m afraid of the next party coming up.

 

Yours,

Everose

 

Sunday, 29/05/2022

 

Photos:

party: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516450360452-9312f5e86fc7?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1170&q=80 – unsplash.com – Alexander Popov (20/01/2018) – last access: 29/05/2022

lonely girl: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1585231015738-d528ed0c01c7?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=687&q=80 – unsplash.com – MuiZur (26/03/2020) – last access: 29/05/2022

heart: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516589178581-6cd7833ae3b2?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=687&q=80 – unsplash.com – Tyler Nix (22/01/2018) – last access: 29/05/2022

tulips: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516659257916-7be846591235?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1170&q=80 – unsplash.com – Rupert Britton (22/01/2018) – last access: 29/05/2022