Life-update #2

exam time, holidays, fear of loss, animal violence


How are you? Hope you’re feeling good:). 

For my side, I’m really good and extremely happy, cause it’s holidays now:)))))))). Finally! To be honest, I really need them. The last two weeks at school were really exhausting – it was exam time: We wrote a big exam in my mother tongue, in English and in Maths. And I can say that I’m pretty proud of myself, cuz I went through them kinda relaxed and my pressure to perform didn’t show up like last year. I mean, of course, you’re nervous, but it’s a difference between being a little bit nervous and being not able to sleep, having bad belly ache and shivering.

 In addition, they went pretty well – particularly the one in English:). But nevertheless, I’m kinda knocked out now. I mean, nine weeks of school and exams in the end… 

Right now, I’m with my mom, stepfather and our dog in a neighbour country. We’re visiting my brother and his family (this includes his wife and their two daugherts). We travel to their place once a year (so it’s our only vacation place – but I love it), either in the summer or in the autumn holidays. It’s not as relaxing as holidays on a beach would probably be, cuz I’m babysitting the two daughters all the time, but I’m always looking forwards to it – I mean, it’s my family (and outside from my father (and my stepfather – although he’s much better), I like them a lot). So yes, besides hours and days when my stepfather isn’t home, it’s one of my most favourite times of the year:).

Let’s talk about my fear of loss I mentioned in the heading:

Probably due to the death of my sister around four years ago, I have a little “trauma” when it comes to people not texting, phoning or coming home as agreed. 

I know, I’m overreactng when freaking out just because someone comes 10 minutes too late and it shouldn’t be a big issue. But I just can’t stop it. Even after just 10 minutes. I’m on the urge of crying cuz I already imagine the police ringing at our front door and telling the person is dead. And last Friday, my mum came later home then agreed – 70 minutes. As you can presumably imagine now, it was the freaking hell for me: I didn’t just picture the police. I also pictured my mum’s funeral, all the things she wouldn’t be able to do.

And on the other hand also my life without her, me working every minute outside from school to afford living. – Everything. But you know what happened after these 70 minutes? My mum came home, not having the least of clue what was going on. Simply because of a misunderstanding between my stepfather and her. I was incredibly relieved, of course. But although, thanks for that, stepfather. To be honest, I think it could be possible that he seriously did that just because he wanted to see me being bad. And yes, I have to admit, it worked pretty well. I still can’t understand how my mum can keep thinking he deserves her. Because he doesn’t. Not a little bit.

This mindset of mine was also increased a few days ago, when he carried out animal violence. He can do everything he wants with me, but please, please, he should just let our dog (and my mum) out of that. The situation was following: She has a wound on her leg and keeps licking at it. We are always telling her to stop and also dressed the part of the leg with a bandage. Unfortunately, she figured out how to take it off. The moment my stepfather saw it, he lifted her up by the neck. 

During that, he squeezed her skin so hard that she squealed. When I asked him not do so hard, he threw her up in the air – without catching her. It’s still a wonder to me how she didn’t break every single bone in her body. He went on slapping her and and and … I guess the fact that it reminded me of the time I had to spend with my father wasn’t that helpful either.

Fortunately, it’s over now… And speaking of now: The biggest point on my holiday-to-do-list is my UWC-application – please send me every peace of luck u can find). I’ll need it…

So yes, this was my life update.

I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know how you are and what you’d like me to talk about.



Tuesday, 25/10/2022


woman reading a book: – – Eliott Reyna (22/07/2018) – last access: 25/10/2022

two little girls: – – Michal Vbra (22/06/2022) – last access: 25/10/2022

police car: – – Michael Förtsch (22/11/2020) – last access: 25/10/2022

dog: – – Joe Caione (15/08/2018) – last access: 25/10/2022

clover: – – Dustin Humes (16/05/2020) – last access: 25/10/2022