Being drunk

Hello

And no, you don’t have to be afraid. This won’t be an article of a typical teenager being drunk. It will more likely be an article of me not being drunk. Not wanting to get drunk, or kinda not being able to get drunk. 

A few weeks (Or months? I’m not really sure…) ago, I wrote about not being like the others, always being different. And yesterday, when I was at a friend’s birthday party and her mother also offered some alcohol to drink, I realized it one more time. My friends agreed and also drank a little bit (luckily not too much, so they were not drunk), and I didn’t. Yes, I could have, and I also kinda wanted to try it, but I just wasn’t able to. I don’t really know why I am that opposed towards alcohol. I mean, yes, I don’t have such a huge opinion of it – I just don’t understand why you do it. 

To loosen up? To relax? Or to forget? I think there are way better ways to do it – alcohol is just the easiest way: You don’t really have to think about your innermost, about your emotions, your reasons for them, you just drink them away. 

Maybe you’re doing it for the community? To laugh and celebrate together? But why do you have to be drunk for this? In my opinion, you can spend great time together also not being drunk. I mean, it’s the only experience I’ve ever made, but still…

In short, I simply don’t understand and never understood before. That’s why, I told myself, I’d have to try it one time. But when the situation came up at my friend’s birthday party, I couldn’t. I wasn’t able to. I also felt a little bit scared, I was afraid.

Afraid of the actions I would do when being drunk. (or not even drunk, just with a little bit of alcohol inside my body) I was afraid of saying something about my greatest dreams, about telling them nearly to the whole world. Even though they are sacred to me. And even more, I was scared of hurting other people, especially the ones I love. Not physically, of course. I was scared of hurting them emotionally, of saying something I didn’t mean to come out the way it did. 

Additionally, of disappointing them, of not reacting like it would be appropiate. Of not sensing like usual when they are not well and would like to tell someone, to tell me. These thoughts and many more passed through my mind when I saw the alcohol standing there. I couldn’t help it.

Maybe this is also the cause for my adversion towards parties? Speaking of parties, the friend of mine also asked if we would want to go to a party together soon. As an answer, my mind screamed “Hell, no” pretty loudly. But I mean, fortunately not my mouth and voice… I have no idea why I am that way, because I am definitely a fan of joy and having fun together. And I guess that’s also what you do at parties. But it’s probably the drinking, the dancing and the associated fear of embarrassing myself, the loundness and also the fear of being groped. 

Pretty fear-heavy, I know… And, as I wrote in another article before, I’m always getting sad when being at parties. With sad I mean really sad, crying-sad. I don’t know the reason for that either. It just comes up.

I definitely know that it doesn’t matter if you are different, not like the others. What matters is happiness, the influence you have and the love you give and also receive. I know that, I absouletly know. I also live that way. But nevertheless, it hurts every time a little if you realize once more how different you are. And it sucks. Even though I’m kinda proud of it. And yes, this is also something I’d like to admit – I like the fact that I live my life the way I want it, that I want to achieve my dreams, not the other’s dreams, and that I’m working hard towards them. Because I love the life and I want to enjoy it as much as possible.

Even though I’m doing it differently…

So yes, that’s it for today. I hope you’re able to enjoy your life right now as well able to live yours, no matter the sadness which comes along from time to time with it. Because you simply deserve it.

 

Yours

Everose

 

Sunday, 06/11/2022

Photos:

wine glass: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1437418747212-8d9709afab22?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=687&q=80 – unsplash.com – Sérgio Alves Santos (20/07/2015) – last access: 06/11/2022

man with his hands covering his face: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1578088060994-08c86dee9602?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1332&q=80 – unsplash.com – felipepelaquim (03/01/2020) – last access: 06/11/2022

concert: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516450360452-9312f5e86fc7?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1170&q=80 – unsplash.com – Aleksandr Popov (20/01/2018) – last access: 06/11/2022

women from behind: https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1542353436-312f0e1f67ff?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=942&q=80 – unsplash.com – Fuu J (16/11/2018) – last access: 06/11/2022